The Question We're Asked All the Time

Here it is...the question that haunts us everywhere we go: "When are you going to have another one?"  In the past I have given different answers to this question.  Now, I simply want to say to them, "None of your business. And what's wrong with just having one?"  Beginning this time last year, my beloved doctor that delivered Peyton moved away.  Before he left he referred me to the best of the best fertility doctors in Asheville.  So began a long, haunting ordeal.  Driving an hour plus at least twice a month, extensive ultrasounds, IUI's, and lots and lots of money spent.  Did it pay off?  Nope.  However, God revealed to me some amazing things during this callenging time. 

First of all, Dereck and I are blessed to have a healthy, happy, incredibly active, and fun child.  So what if she's our only one?  There are many advantages to having only one child.  I grew up in a rather large family, and while I love it, I look forward to being able to give my one child all of myself.  No competing for time (Dereck goes to one sporting event while I go to the other, etc.), no two college tuitions to pay for at the same time, no car to share with a sibling, to name a few. 

This day in time, it seems as if everything is made for a family of four.  But what is wrong with a family of 3?  And do I really want to go back to that baby stage?  The bottles, the breastfeeding, the super lack of sleep, unsoothable crying, colic, etc.?  Ummmm, I know it's all worth it, but yuck.  I enjoy the fact that we are over that stage.  While every age brings new and different challenges, it also brings about independence, which we are truly enjoying. 

I also question even having children this day and time.  I look at the world around me, especially being a school teacher, and I'm frightened.  It's hard raising a christian child this day and age.  As I've said before, I'm a perfectionist (thanks to my mother) and I'm not going to half parent.  If I'm going to do this, I'm going to do it to the best of my ability.  No halfing it.  I look at a lot of mothers around me who can't handle the ones they have, yet they're having another one and another one and another one...I could certainly go into what is causing our nation to go into such debt with people like this who are eating up WIC and such, but I'll save it for my personal thoughts!  :) 

Through much prayer, I'm not sure I'm meant to be a parent to more than one.   I'm not sure I have the patience, the work ethic, or the desire.  Do I miss that cuddly little baby?  Sure, I do...at times.  But having a baby is not all snuggles and cuddles and sweet times.  It's a lot of poop, crying, nerve wearing moments. 

God has also shown me that my marriage and my life need to be stronger and better if we are going to bring another child into this world.  (Good) Marriages take a lot of work.  Again, I'm a perfectionist and I'm not going to half way do that either.  If I'm gonna be a wife, I'm gonna be a darn good one.  God has also shown me that one of my talents is loving my students.  Becoming a mother has certainly made me a better teacher.  I try to care for my "school babies" as I would care for my own.  This takes a lot of hard work and constant prayer, but it's a gift from God and he gives me the ability to accomplish it. 

So, are we done?  Yes, for now.  Until God wants us to have another one.  If He chooses that for us then so be it.  We'll take the challenge willingly and happily.  But if He chooses not to?  That's fine with this mama.   I am so thankful to have a healthy, happy child who adores spending time with her parents.  Being a family of 3 is incredibly special.  I'm content to enjoy these moments to the absolute extent possible. 

Parenting: Hardest Job in the World???

I have been reading a lot of blogs, articles, and facebook posts related to parenting and it got me thinking: Is parenting the hardest job in the world?  I often hear people say it is.  But then I often hear others say it's a blessing and fun and comes naturally and so on.  Yes, I agree; with both.  Being a parent to Peyton is certainly my greatest blessing.  It is also a load of fun!  Some times it comes naturally.  Other times I find myself calling my own parents, calling one of my brothers, or even facebooking, for advice.  I've even turned to books, magazine articles, and our amazing pediatrician for advice on certain parenting topics.  I open my bible every evening and read, followed by hitting my knees begging for God's advice and guidance in parenting. 

Soooo, God is certainly teaching me about this tough job.  First of all, I believe it is so tough simply because I am trying so hard to do it right.  Being a slight perfectionist (thanks, Mom) I am so worried to get it wrong.  Plus, this is someone's life!  What I do and how I do it will affect Peyton.  I won't get the chance to redo this.  I've got to get it right.  Right?  Well, I've certainly not done it all right up to this point.  But I am learning from the things I've done wrong and adjusting my parenting ways. 

I believe that parents trying to raise their kids "right" have it the toughest.  Did I just say that?  Is there a "right" way to raise kids versus a wrong way?  Yep.  I do believe so.  Manners must be taught.  Respect, for yourself and others, must be taught.  And above all else, in my house, a love of Christ must be shown and taught.  My hardest moments in parenting come when I am desperately trying to teach Peyton the "right" thing to do.  I now understand the whole "this hurts me more than it hurts you" theory when it comes to spanking!  Sure, it would be easy to sit back and not worry about what she's getting into, what words come out of her mouth, what she watches on tv, who her friends are, and the respect she shows towards herself and others, etc.  Sure, it would be easier to put her to bed without reading her scripture every night, saying a prayer, and discussing our day.  It would sure give me more time to read and have some quiet time to myself! 

But, I didn't take this job on to take the easy way out.  It is my desire to raise Peyton the way I am doing so.  So I will continue to take the hard road and endure this job declared as the most difficult.  I try to enjoy each moment, as I know I will one day miss this, but let's face it, some moments are just downright tough and not so enjoyable.  It sounds harsh, but it's the truth.  But let me end with a positive note and list my most favorite, enjoyable moments that make this difficult job so incredibly worth it:
1) the little wet, sloppy kisses I receive on a daily basis.
2) the words "I love you, Mama" I hear on a daily basis.
3) that look of "come help me Mama, you can do anything!"
4) the sound of hysterical laughter from a 3 year old, I promise that's the sweetest sound in the world!
5) and my most favorite right now: seeing my hard work pay off when Peyton rewards me with her "right" behavior!

Uh-oh! Family Pictures!

Oh joy.  Family pictures.  What a headache of an experience, right?  Actually, this one went fairly well.  It was completely unplanned and spur of the moment.  No one wanted to do it but me and my fantastic, incredibly talented photographer (who, may I say, came over to my parent's home spur of the moment!).  But, we somehow made it work and enjoyed lots of laughs in our sweats and comfy, non-picture type attire.  Heck, it's who we are.  We'd look silly all decked out in dressy clothes.  So, this was the Wilson family photo shoot.  Feel free to go on my facebook to see all the pictures.  I'm just posting a few on here.  Notice Dereck was the ONLY one not in them.  Hmmm...wonder where he was.  Read yesterday's blog to find out! 

Here are the 2 reasons I wanted these pictures:  Mom & Dad

Wow!  What a big family!

This would have been easier, but not as much fun, without all the men making joke, after joke, after joke!

See?  Easier when the men are away :)

                                          All of the men (with Greg rockin' it in a "Lady Wildcats" sweatsuit!)

Mimi & Papa with all their grandkids (thus far!).

And this is about as good as it gets!  Love the house in the background!

I won't name our photographer, as she has asked me not to.  However, she is a long time family friend and so incredibly talented.  I'm thankful for her and her willingness to come over and photograph this wild bunch on such short notice.  She did an incredible job!  Also, I'm thankful for my family, as strange as we can sometimes be!  But they're my family and I certainly wouldn't be who I am without each one of them.  Last, but not least, I am so thankful that Peyton is getting to experience being raised in such a big family with cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents that give her lots of love, support and a love of Christ.

A Teacher & A Cop...Perfect Life??? Ummm...Not Exactly

One of the hardest things about my daily life is the persona it seems to have.  When people find out I'm a teacher, the first thing they ask is, "What do you teach?"  When I reply with "EC, also known as Special Education," their reply is always the same, "Oh wow.  You must have a heart of gold and incredible patience."  Well....not exactly.  I'd like to.  I strive to and pray about that a lot!  When asked what my husband does, people often reply with the same type of answer. "Wow.  He must be such a wonderful man.  That's such a hard job to have these days."  When people meet us together, which is rare due to the amount of time we actually have together, we often receive comments such as, "What noble professions you both have.   How wonderful!  I bet that makes for such a wonderful life." Well....not really.  First of all, we both have chosen careers that are mega underpaid, but that's a whole separate blog one day. :)  We have also chosen careers that don't allow us to see a whole lot of each other.  Dereck works 12 hour night shifts.  I work 8+ hour day shifts.  We do this right now because it's what works best for Peyton at this point in her life.  However, Peyton and I are often faced to spend holidays without Dereck, which is incredibly hard for me.  I think that often times we feel that we must live up to this perfect persona of a teacher and a cop life.  There's even a TV show, so I hear (as I don't watch much besides Nick Jr. these days), that is about a teacher and a cop and a fairytale romance between them.  Fairytale???  Hardly.  The hard reality hits me in the face everyday as I pass my husband in our short, small hallway as he is leaving for work while I am just getting home.  Then again in the mornings as I rise and shine to get myself and Peyton ready for school and he is bedding down for the day after working all night.  It's a hard life.  It's a life of a lot of sacrifices.  I'd like to complain about it, but there's not a whole lot I can truly complain about. I love my job.  My students are amazing and always somehow end up teaching me more every year than I have taught them (ironic, right?).  They are more fun than I ever imagined and I get to laugh (a lot) every day!  And to think...the state pays me for this!!!  Not a lot, but it's still money to have fun while working.  Dereck loves his job as well.  He's really good at it.  God has allowed us two careers in which we wake up (albeit at different times of the day) excited to go to work.  We are actually doing what He has made us to do.  I'd say there are not many people in this world who get to say that everyday.  And with that has brought me incredible closeness to God.  He reels me in each day as I pray for my students in my car on the way to work.  He reveals to me all day long with each laugh and surprise my students give me that this is where I'm supposed to be.  Would I rather be home with Peyton everyday, being a stay at home mom?  I sure would.  However, God does not want that for me right now.  I have to be at peace with that and I'm slowly learning to.  And as for that fairytale, perfect life???  It doesn't exist.  God has also revealed that to me.  Life is what it is and I have to make the best of what I've been handed.  Through a close relationship with Christ, I am able to do that.

This Thing Called Blogging

I am totally jumping on the bandwagon right now with this blogging thing.  I will see how it goes.  My life is not super interesting, but we have a lot of family that can't keep up with us as often as they'd like.  Between a full time job, at work and at home, and an incredibly active three year old, I'm not sure how much time I'll actually have to do this.  However, I do love to write, so we will see how this goes.  One of my new year's resolutions (not that I actually do those) is to organize our photos and activities in a way that Peyton can one day look back on them in an organized manner.  So far pictures and souveneirs are just thrown into her baby book and a box.  Sad, isn't it?  Hopefully this blog will help me get our memories and activities organized in a way Peyton, Dereck, and I can one day enjoy.