Here it is...the question that haunts us everywhere we go: "When are you going to have another one?" In the past I have given different answers to this question. Now, I simply want to say to them, "None of your business. And what's wrong with just having one?" Beginning this time last year, my beloved doctor that delivered Peyton moved away. Before he left he referred me to the best of the best fertility doctors in Asheville. So began a long, haunting ordeal. Driving an hour plus at least twice a month, extensive ultrasounds, IUI's, and lots and lots of money spent. Did it pay off? Nope. However, God revealed to me some amazing things during this callenging time.
First of all, Dereck and I are blessed to have a healthy, happy, incredibly active, and fun child. So what if she's our only one? There are many advantages to having only one child. I grew up in a rather large family, and while I love it, I look forward to being able to give my one child all of myself. No competing for time (Dereck goes to one sporting event while I go to the other, etc.), no two college tuitions to pay for at the same time, no car to share with a sibling, to name a few.
This day in time, it seems as if everything is made for a family of four. But what is wrong with a family of 3? And do I really want to go back to that baby stage? The bottles, the breastfeeding, the super lack of sleep, unsoothable crying, colic, etc.? Ummmm, I know it's all worth it, but yuck. I enjoy the fact that we are over that stage. While every age brings new and different challenges, it also brings about independence, which we are truly enjoying.
I also question even having children this day and time. I look at the world around me, especially being a school teacher, and I'm frightened. It's hard raising a christian child this day and age. As I've said before, I'm a perfectionist (thanks to my mother) and I'm not going to half parent. If I'm going to do this, I'm going to do it to the best of my ability. No halfing it. I look at a lot of mothers around me who can't handle the ones they have, yet they're having another one and another one and another one...I could certainly go into what is causing our nation to go into such debt with people like this who are eating up WIC and such, but I'll save it for my personal thoughts! :)
Through much prayer, I'm not sure I'm meant to be a parent to more than one. I'm not sure I have the patience, the work ethic, or the desire. Do I miss that cuddly little baby? Sure, I do...at times. But having a baby is not all snuggles and cuddles and sweet times. It's a lot of poop, crying, nerve wearing moments.
God has also shown me that my marriage and my life need to be stronger and better if we are going to bring another child into this world. (Good) Marriages take a lot of work. Again, I'm a perfectionist and I'm not going to half way do that either. If I'm gonna be a wife, I'm gonna be a darn good one. God has also shown me that one of my talents is loving my students. Becoming a mother has certainly made me a better teacher. I try to care for my "school babies" as I would care for my own. This takes a lot of hard work and constant prayer, but it's a gift from God and he gives me the ability to accomplish it.
So, are we done? Yes, for now. Until God wants us to have another one. If He chooses that for us then so be it. We'll take the challenge willingly and happily. But if He chooses not to? That's fine with this mama. I am so thankful to have a healthy, happy child who adores spending time with her parents. Being a family of 3 is incredibly special. I'm content to enjoy these moments to the absolute extent possible.
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